


Trust and Things stronger

by sentimental_boy



Series: Matt Murdock imagines [60]
Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 23:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8305378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sentimental_boy/pseuds/sentimental_boy
Summary: Matt muses over his time with you after you leave him





	

“I trusted you.”

Matt can't get the words out of his head.

“I _trusted_ you.”

They replay over and over again.

_“I trusted you”_

He doesn't know if he can ever forgive himself. It's deja vu. Will he ever learn from his mistakes? Maybe you would've understood if he had just _told_ you. But he didn't; now all that's left of you is the shirt he’s sobbing into. He clutches it to his chest, trying to breathe your smell in, knowing it will fade away all too soon.

He’s lost it. Whatever ‘it’ is. His sanity? Foggy keeps telling him he lost that when he put on the mask. _The mask_. Sometimes he hates it as much as he loves it. Right now is one of those times. It still doesn’t change the fact that despite what Foggy says, he never feels quite so level-headed as when he’s wearing the mask. So, no, he didn’t lose his sanity when he put on the mask. He lost it when you left. That much was clear when he started sobbing over a stray tampon he found in the cupboard this morning. All he can think about is laying in bed with you, your head resting on his arm while he draped the other across your body. You just laid there, whispering in the darkness like you had a secret. He doesn’t remember what you talked about, just that he had court in the morning, he wasn’t going to get much sleep at this rate. He remembers not caring. He’d choose exhaustion every time if it meant he could hear your voice again. He remembers you telling him you loved him for the first time that night, repeating it daily after that.

But that’s not a luxury he gets anymore. He’s not going to hear those three words fall from your lips today. He’s not going to be able to say them back. No, tonight he’s going to be losing sleep for another reason. But he brought this on himself. He wishes he could stop, for you, but Daredevil is just as much a part of him as Matt Murdock is. Maybe more so. Anyway, he doesn’t even know that you want him to stop. You just wanted him to trust you like you trusted him. But he broke that trust and now he doesn’t know how to be someone you’ll want to come back to.

Then he's at the airport. you went to visit your family for a week, and he came to pick you up. Finally. Both your hearts were beating out of your chest as you ran down the escalator, barreling into his arms. He can still feel you, solidly in his arms. His heart clenching as you nuzzled into his chest. How he told you how much he missed you between desperate kisses. He had no idea. It hasn’t even been a week since you stormed out that night, and his pain is so much more amplified than when you were gone on that trip. Maybe it’s because you called and talked to him on the trip. Maybe he knew you were coming back to him before. Maybe he loves you more every day.

Then his mind drifts back to the fight that tore you apart. He should’ve _told_ you. He knows that. Instead, he lied to you. Foggy’s right; no one makes him lie- repeatedly- to the people close to him. That makes _him_ the problem. Still, he can't help but replay the fight in his mind; wishing you had pulled him close and interrupted his hasty explanation with a kiss like you've done so often before.

Matt’s in the same position he’s been in for years now. Foggy and Karen are his only real friends. Since you left, though, he finds himself keeping up with your friends just so he can somehow stay connected to you. It's sad and desperate, and he has a feeling he's not fooling anyone but he doesn't care. Not when he has something that he can cling to, even if it’s just knowing you're happy without him. Which hurts. He doesn’t detect a hint on untruthfulness when your friends tell him that. He tries to be happy for you because isn’t that what love is? Putting someone else’s happiness before your own? So he leaves you be. You made it clear you don’t want him, so he’s not going to chase after you. No matter how much he wants to.

He wants you to have a full, happy, life; even if it’s without him. Even as he repeats that to himself, there's still a part of him with a tin foil hat on, hoping that one of these days you'll see something that reminds you of how happy you were with him. That's what makes all this worse; you _were_ happy together.

-0-

You’re not better off. You trusted him. You thought he trusted you. You tell your friends you’re okay. They believe you. Life goes on like you didn’t start sobbing over a disposable razor this morning. The only evidence that Matt was ever here.

It’s been a month. You don’t get moments of missing him anymore. It’s constant. You feel so pathetic crying into your pillowcase; your stomach hollowed out, your chest clenching at the overwhelming _loneliness_ you feel every night without Matt next to you. You were fine on your own before Matt, why can’t you be now? Because Matt’s not just some guy. He’s someone you _love_ , who left an impression on your life. Someone who hurt you. And out of the myriads of things you could be going over right now, the thing you keep coming back to is: _why did he lie to me_? It briefly crosses your mind that you should probably find more fault in the fact that _he’s a vigilante_ , but that’s not what’s bothering you. At all. When you found out, when all this blew up in his face, he explained it all. Everything except for the reason he kept it from you. And now, that’s all you care about.

-0-

Matt Doesn’t believe it at first. How could he with how you left? With how you’ve stayed away for so long. But there it is. Your heartbeat is solid behind that door. That’s your smell wafting through his apartment, undetectable to anyone else, but unmistakable to him. You’re here, he doesn’t know why, but he doesn’t care.

Before you can even get your hand up to knock, The door swings open to reveal Matt standing there, vacant eyes wide in shock as he breathes out your name.

“Hey, Matt.”

“Hi.” When you don’t say anything else he continues. “Not that you’re unwelcome, but why are you here?”

“Matt, you explained everything about your abilities; why you do what you do.”

He nods. “So what’s going on?”

You sigh. “The one thing you didn’t explain, and the one thing I can’t get out of my head, is why you lied to me. I realize now that that’s the only thing I care about. So you deserve a chance to tell me.”

“Uh, yeah.” He steps to the side. “Do you want to come in?”

You give a short nod and walk past him, taking a seat on the sofa.

When he sits next to you, he runs his hands on his jeans. “Y/n, I’m not sorry for who I am. I need you to know that.”

“That's not why I'm here Matt. I could care less about your… second job.”

He nods. “Well not everyone feels that way. I know I should’ve trusted you with it- I wanted to- but it's not that easy. Y/n, as much as I love you, it's still hard for me to just let this information out. There are too many ways it could go wrong. You could tell the police. You could leave me, and I couldn't judge you for it. I trust you, but I also know you have morals. Everyone has a different reaction to this information, and I can't feel betrayed, because what I'm doing is illegal.”

“Wait, everyone?”

“Foggy, Karen, and Claire.” He pauses. “Well, I guess Stick and Elektra knew too. Y/n, I didn’t know where you were at on this whole vigilante issue. Whenever it comes up you’re always oddly quiet. I couldn’t put that on you yet. If you didn't know, you had plausible deniability. If you didn't know, you didn't have to feel conflicted about my decisions. It’s not your burden to bare.”

You sigh. “Matt, that's all part of loving someone. _Choosing_ to be with them despite their perceived flaws. Bearing their burdens with them. And maybe I should, but I don't have a moral dilemma with it.”

He tilts his head to the side. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I love you, Matt. I’ve had time to cool down; to think. Now that I finally have an answer to the question that’s been haunting me since I left; it’s enough for me. So, if you want to move forward, I’m willing to do that.”

He falls forward, wrapping his arms around you and burying his face in the crook of your neck. “Thank you.” He sobs out.

You run your hands along his back. “I know it’s hard because you’re so used to internalizing, but please, just talk to me. I’m here for you- for anything you need. You won’t scare me away with vigilante stories.”

He pulls back just enough to connect your lips in a desperate kiss. It’s messy and tear-filled, but you return it without hesitation.

When you pull back, you watch as Matt wipes his eyes, taking deep breaths as he tries to come down from his hysteria. With little success. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Matt.”

He shakes his head. “No. The same thing happened with Foggy, and I should’ve learned from it. He does have a problem with the vigilante part, though.”

“Well, on some level, maybe that’s part of why you didn’t tell me.”

He nods. “Still. You can trust me now; I promise.”

“Yeah. After all that, I understand.”

He puts his arm around your waist, smiling in disbelief as you take his free hand. “I didn’t think I’d ever have this again.”

“Ever?”

“I didn’t think you were coming back; it’s not like you’re someone I could just move on from.”

You look down at your interlocked hands, turning them over as you run your thumb over the top of his hand. “I missed you a lot, Matt. I know I’m the one who left, but I did. I’ve gotten so used to you always being there. When I left, I couldn’t stop thinking about you; replaying your pleading voice calling my name as I walked out the door.”

Matt runs his hand over your shoulder. “I don’t blame you for it. I was distraught, but I understand why you left.”

“I’m so glad I didn’t lose you. Before I met you, I was _happy_ being single, but you ruined that for me. During the time we were apart, I missed you so damn much. I _longed_ for you. Some nights, when I went to bed, I just laid there, sobbing. Then I wanted you there even more so you could hold me, then I’d hate myself for it. It was a mess, Matt.”

He chuckles. “That’s for sure. I’m still in shock that you came back. I just kept thinking about how this was so unnecessary. If I had just _told you_ maybe you wouldn’t have felt the need to leave me over it.”

You sigh, getting up and making your way to the liquor cabinet. When you come back to the sofa, it’s with a bottle of wine and two glasses. “To a fresh start.”

Matt nods, clinking his glass with yours and sipping his wine down past the lump in his throat. You’re back. You’re his like he’s always been yours. You’re here, and you’re not leaving so long as he takes this second chance and learns from it.

-0-

As it turns out, Matt Murdock is capable of learning from his mistakes. It doesn’t happen often, but every once in awhile it does happen. Driven by his love for you and the horrible period of time he didn’t have you, he’s an open book. To you at least. When he tells you about his night beating on bad guys, he’s surprised at how well you take it. Yes, you said that you’d be here for him, but that doesn’t mean that you understood what you were setting yourself up for. But you’re there for him and he couldn’t be more grateful. He’d forgotten what it was like to have someone who knew him- all of him- and accepted him for who he is. Someone who isn’t going to judge him, or even think of him as a hero. Just see him for what he is: a man trying to make a difference.

As for you, you loved Matt before, but like anyone, he had his flaws. Still does. Since he started opening up to you, _talking_ about what’s bothering him, it’s affected everything else too. It’s like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, and you’re seeing a side to him that rarely came out before. He’s always been charming and witty, but you’re starting to realize that even that’s part of his blind citizen persona. On his free time with you, he’s finally letting loose and you love it. Of course, he still broods, and sometimes you have to pry the truth out of him, but in the end, he always offers it up. Lets you help him bear the weight. You suspect he’s needed that for a while now. And you’re more than happy to help.

 


End file.
